No Grace Today

I knew it had to happen. I had to go and open my big mouth that I had never gotten stopped by a policeman since we've moved here, and Bruce had been stopped twice. I think I just mentioned that yesterday to someone with quite a cocky tone to my voice. And yes...I just got a speeding ticket to the tune of $174 courtesy of the Buckley police. Why am I so irritated? I think I'm irritated most because Bruce WAS stopped twice and he was let off. Twice! Why should he have grace, and not me? I just asked him if he told them he was a minister. He said he didn't. Sometimes when I get stopped, I try and cry. But somehow this time, I guess because the policeman was young enough to be my son, I just didn't want to lower myself. And to top it all off...he stopped me in my own neighborhood...I had to park my car with the flashing blue and red behind me in front of my neighbor's house with him outside working on his car! How humiliating. I think I saw a small but obvious smirk dance across his face. He's not getting any homemade cookies from me, I can tell you that.

I'm really irritated. I guess I'm mad at myself mostly. But, it does strike me as odd that I should be so mad about something so obvious. I was speeding. I got caught. I'm not sure at this point that I'm that repentant about it. I'm really sorry that the policeman was there and that I got caught. Somehow I even feel offended. And, to make matters worse, when the cop asked me for my address...I pointed to the house (2 doors away) and said, "I just live right there"...as if somehow proximity to the crime should absolve me. And then, he said, "Well, you know you don't have that address on your license. That is another offence that is $101, but I'm just going to warn you about that. You only have 10 days from the time you move to change your address on your license, you know.". NO, I didn't know that. And thank you, thank you so very much for your mercy. Why can't you just give me a warning on everything? But, I didn't say all that. All I said was, "Well, what else have I done wrong?" (Bruce says I probably shouldn't have said that.)

I shouldn't feel so put out. I was wrong and I got caught. I have to pay a penalty. End of story. But, it seems to me that I have a long way to go with my attitude. I wanted some grace from this guy, but I didn't get it. I feel cheated. I feel like I deserved his grace. Do I feel that way about God? That I deserve his grace. I don't know. I have to think about it.